Family Comes First

Since late morning this past Sunday, I have spent the majority of my time in the Emergency Room with my twin sister. She called me early Sunday morning and asked me to take her to the hospital because of some problems she was having. Abdominal pain, passing out, diarrhea, vomiting, fever that came and went, and overall unpleasantness were some of the symptoms she was having. They ran all kinds of tests on her while we were there Sunday, and ended up deciding to keep her over night Sunday till they figured out what was going on.

Monday came and I returned to the hospital bright and early after my four hours of sleep I managed to get during my 5 hours away from the hospital. They still did not know what was wrong with her. They would rule out various things, and then say later that they might still be a possibility. They decided to keep her again till tonight. When she was finally released after dozens of tests, people looking and poking her, and not a lot of sleep, they still did not know what was wrong with her.

I do understand that there are probably quite a few amount of various people who come through the hospital at various times, who they might never know what was wrong with them when they came and ever when they still left. However, it would have been nice to maybe have left even the Monday, that way she could be with her baby, my niece. But that is hospitals for her, and I am sure with all the pain killers and antibiotics they gave her she will be better soon.

Next Topic: Thanks For Giving

More Evidence To My "Theory"

I have a "theory" that I know for a fact that I am not the only one who can see this to be true. My "theory" is that if the "man" in a relationship physically and/or mentally abuses his "partner" that the "partner" will stay with the "man" forever. In example would be that a girl and a guy are in a relationship and the guy constantly treats her like shit; avoids her, yells and screams at her, and constant fighting, she would probably tell others how unhappy she is. However, she stays with him. Perhaps he starts beating her or cheating her. Guess what? Chances are she is still with him and "forgives" him for what he did and blames herself.

Now this does not apply to every single woman on the face of the planet. Yet, I do think if you did a study of relationships that have these things going on or of someone who was in a relationship where such things occurred; you would notice this to be the case most likely more than 90% of the time. I can't tell you the amount of times I, myself, have had people come up to me and talked to me about how "unhappy" they were with the partner and what "evil" things they had done. Yet, they never leave the situations and only allow it to continue and/or get worse.

I was raised to believe that you should never hit a woman. I still believe that today and I would never hit a woman. In fact for the most part I would never hit anyone anyways, because physical fights solve nothing. I was also raised with the mind set that woman want a nice a guy, a guy who treats them right, who takes care of them; not a man that "destroys" them mentally and physically.

The most recent evidence I have to this in an actual publication is the following of which I will include a link to source to it.

"SAN BERNARDINO, Calif. -- A California woman said she still plans to marry the man who shot her and then held her hostage in his family's garage for six days. Tina Marie Stebbins revealed her intentions in a letter released as her boyfriend, Christian Leroy Lindblad, was sentenced to 20 years in prison for shooting her in June 2002. In her victim impact statement, Stebbins wrote, "I love Christian today as deeply as I loved him before this awful thing happened to us." Describing her boyfriend and herself as "soul mates," Stebbins said she's forgiven Lindblad. The incident occurred at the Big Bear City, Calif., home that the couple shared with Lindblad's parents, who tried to cover up the shooting. They've pleaded guilty to being accessories. Robert and Shirley Lindblad tried to cover up the shooting by treating Stebbins with home remedies, according to a San Bernardino County Sheriff's report. They also reportedly threatened her children and her family."

Link: Woman to wed man who shot her and held her captive.

This is a rather extreme scenario; but yet still shows an example for how far she will go and let someone put her through such things and still wants to be with that person forever.

I this will evoke some "anger", to say the least, in some of the people who will read this. Honestly, I hope it does. When in relationships of any kind, or any situations in life, if you are not happy, why would you continue to allow such things to happen? Especially if there is physical or mental abuse involved. Also I know that many people who this might "anger" them will think or say they are not like that, however, some of them probably are on one level or another. I imagine, and hope, that most people would not allow the physical abuse to occur for sure, but I see tons of unhappy mental abuse occurring. Maybe that "anger" will actually help provoke them for some change in their own lives. I doubt it though.

Next Topic: Family Comes First

Side Post

Okay. I very seldomely ever take these stupid things. But for whatever reason I felt like taking one based on one that a friend completed. So here are my results. A little interesting I think. I wonder if there is actually any truth to these things; or if they did any actual research to see based on what people answer they tend to be more like this one way or another.







You are Form 5, Dragon: The Weaver.


"And The Dragon seperated the virtuous from
the sinful. He tore his eyes from his sockets
and used them to peer into the souls of those
on trial to make a judgement. He knew that
with endless knowledge came endless
responsibility."


Some examples of the Dragon Form are Athena
(Greek), St. Peter (Christian), and Surya
(Indian).
The Dragon is associated with the concept of
intelligence, the number 5, and the element of
wood.
His sign is the crescent moon.


As a member of Form 5, you are an intelligent and
wise individual. You weigh options by looking
at how logical they are and you know that while
there may not always be a right or wrong
choice, there is always a logical one. People
may say you are too indecisive, but it's only
because you want to do what's right. Dragons
are the best friends to have because they're
willing to learn.


You are 'juggling'. Jugglers, tumblers, and other
street performers were a very popular sort of
entertainment once, before movies and talkies
and online quizzes supplanted them.

You like to put on a show for people, and they like
to watch. You are friendly and well-liked,
particularly for your sense of humor, although
you sometimes play with people's heads. You
are frequently the center of attention, and you
like it that way. However, you have to realize
that the world does not revolve around you.
Furthermore, you have to learn that your
light-hearted antics are not appropriate to all
situations. Your problem is that juggling has
been obsolete for a long time.





Do you think they have any truth to them?


Next Topic: More Evidence To My "Theory"

Frustration Can Be Frustrating

I think I have reached another point in my life where I have start to come to realization of reality. There is a lot that I feel I already know, but yet I know that I still don't know anything in compared to the knowledge that is out there to learn in this huge world and universe.

The biggest problem that I have had and feel that I have more or less overcome is my age. It might be due to the fact that I have already been through a lot of my life, and seeing my younger siblings getting older and growing up quickly, makes me reflect back to my "younger" years. I think that I have finally come to terms better with the fact that I am a "kid", according to 90% of the people who are older than me. I still have plenty of time so that if for some reason I where to screw up my life, I had plenty of time to fix it.

I have mixed emotions about my upcoming birthday. This is my last "big birthday" till I am 30 at least. I will be 21. Finally there is nothing that I can not do that has an age requirement, except Senior Citizen Discounts (which are pretty much gone anywhere you look any way). Although there are more responsibilities that I will "acquire" now, it does not feel that special to me. Perhaps as it comes closer and as the day comes it will be more enjoyable.

Until then, "The counting begins. 21 days till the big 21!"

Next Topic: More Evidence To My "Theory"

I Make This Look Good

I have applied, interviewed, walked-in, emailed, faxed, and called so many businesses in the past 6 weeks that I don't really feel like talking to another stranger again in my life. But then life wouldn't be exciting, so I got over it quickly. After all after over 7 years of customer service oriented work, I can't throw it all away over a couple of weeks.

I have been, for the most part, not working for around 5 weeks now. The only time I did work was an occasional Friday or Saturday at Minelli's and then of course that one week at Pizzano's. Right now I am definitely feeling the pinch financially, but as I always say, "You'll have that sometimes."

I have run out of reasonable options and have called upon my last resorts, Donato's. I know everyone there and I know I will be able to get 40 hours a week for sure. Although with what I will be making hourly it will definitely put me below poverty level and not even fully pay my bills; it is a job. A job that will at least allow me to put "food on my table" and have gas to drive around town continuing the job hunt.

I have decided that traditional job hunting methods are over rated and out dated. I think what I am going to start doing tomorrow is randomly walking in to companies that I know handle things that I am interested in and "selling myself" to them if they have any open positions. I have more than exhausted my "chain of contacts" to try to find a decent job, and that has left me where I am at right now.

The only thing I can do is to continue to keep a positive attitude around me and try to have fun with the things that are going on. I know I will look back at this time in my life as just another minor detour. I can make it. I will make it.

Next Topic: Frustration Can Be Frustrating

Soon To Be Revealed

Here it is ladies and gents. The new me. I have already arrived actually. About a week and a half ago. But now everyone will see. If you knew me before a week and a half ago and you knew me well, you will be able to notice the change. In my work ethics; in the fact I have or will have quit smoking before the week is over; my fatalistic output on life; and my "under-expression" or "masking" of my true feelings. All this is gone. All this has changed for the better.

I say all this know and everyone might think that this is a "phase" or a temporary fix, but it isn't. Something happened a few weeks ago that really changed a lot about me. This I know and realize now. This is why the necessary changes have now occurred. It took dramatic things to happen to change me for the better, but sometimes that is what it takes.

I am going to try to keep this post brief, but if you thought I was doing anything positive in my life before; watch me now. Stand back and enjoy what I can now and will enjoy. Things only get better with time and my I am now almost aged to perfection!

Quote of the Day: "The only job I need is a blowjob!" -- My roommates found a shirt that said this and feel that the shirt suits me right now because of the job aspect not the "sexual" aspect.

Next Topic: I Make This Look Good

Beginning of November Updates

I honestly did not think I would be able to post this soon. I figured with all the things that I had going for me right now that I wouldn't have the time for a few weeks. Apparently, I was very wrong.

Today I woke up and was happy, as I have been for the better part this week and the end of last week. I did not have to work till 4pm today, so that gave me plenty of time to just get some things taken care of I really wanted to. So I did get a lot of things accomplished today.

Then I headed off to work about 3pm. Now I only live about 30 minutes from where I was working today, so I ended up being a half an hour early. Now I didn't need to be there early, and since I am a salaried store manager, the amount of time I put in above and beyond 60 hours a week is up to me. I arrived at work and proceeded to make sure that everything was stocked up and ready to go.

About 5:30 or 6:00 o'clock I was asking which store they wanted me to close at tomorrow night. The store manager for that location asked me to step into the office with her. I did. When we got back to the office she said (with her eyes tearing up, and her starting to shake and then stutter as she talked), "I talked with Jay. (The owner) and he said he doesn't think things were going to work out." I said okay and asked why. She said she had no idea. I said okay, and asked when she wanted me to leave now or wait till the end of the night. All she could was shake her head yes for me to leave now. (I am not sure why she was so nervous or scared about the whole thing.)

I did as I was asked to and I told her that I would wash my shirts and stuff and drop them off in a few days. All her and the other manager did was acknowledge what I said with a nod. I would like to add I was calm and cool, I also extremely nice to them especially in the manner in which I was talking with them. Which I was a little surprised how I handled it calm, cool, and collected.

Now I don't have a job. I just wasted more than a week and over 60 hours at a job that is gone. If you know me well and you had seen me working at this job and the attitude (which was 110% positive), you would have second guessed who I was. I busted my ass of like never before, there was nothing I could do better or different. I have worked in pizza restaurants for over 4 years of my life (not that I am all that proud of that fact), I know how to do everything there. I know what I am doing, the best way to do it, and I learn fast. I knew how to use all the equipment that they had there, better than anyone I might add, and how to make dough, pizzas, subs, you name it. I was never late, not a second, I was early every single day I was there. I was always willing and ready to do anything they asked, and at the same time took the initiative to find things to keep myself productive and busy. But that is life and I have to accept that. Their loss.

The only good thing I can see that has come out of this is that at least tonight I can join my roommates and friends in a little "get together" they were going to have. I guess drinking might make things a little easier for the night. Then again, who knows maybe I become an alcoholic.

I am really confused right now about what happened and trying to find answers why. So I end this post only with the thought that I get to start the "fun task" of job hunting tomorrow.

My Quote of A Life Time: "You'll have that sometimes."

Next Topic: Soon To Be Revealed

Side Post

I occasionly from time to time will write poetry to try to help express some emotions I am feeling. Unfortunately, the poems are usually sad or depressing or deal with those topics along those lines. Today is yet another poem, but I will let you take from it what you want (since that is what poetry is all about anyways).

Necessarily Forgotten

I can't escape thoughts of you
Pain travels through my veins
poison Venomous
Stabbing me at the core

The memories will stay
This I know
sadness Being torn with
Won’t stop

Such a small portion
Of my life was touched by you
effect Everlasting
Will always show

Time to move on
Has come and past
nightly Tears I cry
I just can’t fight

Ending it all will not occur
The solution to my problem
find I can not
I must move on

Next Topic: Beggining of November Updates

Day One

Actually it is more like Day 5, but it is still the same. I will still be able to look back at this time in my life and say that is the first day or week when my life turned around for the better. Although there is always room for improvement in anyone's life, things are definetely looking up.

I started my new job officially on Monday October 31st. I am a store manager for a four chain pizza store. The pizza store is called Pizzano's Pizza. They have loctations by Polaris, on Sawmill, on Maxton Rd. (I think it is a road) in Westerville, and out in Powell where Sawmill and Powell Road meet. I, currently, am in "training" till the end of the month. Then I will have my own store. It appears they will send me to the Westerville store (which apparently has has the highest volume or does the most sales). Starting later this week, Sunday actually, I will start closing and opening stores on my own. It's a minimum 60 hour work week with one day off, but it will pay off. Although it is not neccessarily what I was trying to find when I was looking for a job; it is what I know how to do and it's about time I started making money doing just that.

I am single now too (or I have been for a couple of weeks now). Which being single always has it's ups and downs. I would have to say that, honestly right now it is probably for the better. With the "on call" type schedule I have and the minimum of 60 hours a work I will be working, it is probably a good idea to stay single for a little while. Although I might not pass up the opportunity if the right oppurtunity came along; I am not going to be "actively searching". I just don't think I would feel right with never being able to see someone I was suppose to be seeing. I know I would make time to see them, no matter what; but trying to force time into an over extended schedule would just put unneccessary strain on any relationship. It would probably also cause some lower performance or "poorer" attitudes towards work and the relationship, which is never a good thing.

I have still however managed to succeed in some other accomplishments as well. I have built another website, kept my room clean, and by tomorrow night (or Thursday night) I will have gone over 24 hours without a cigerette (wish me luck). I have wanted to quite smoking for awhile, but it never really mattered to me enough to quit. I just finally decided to. Although the next time I write in here or the next time anyones sees me I could still be smoking; but I hope and know I can stick through with it.

The website I built is a website tailored specifically to me. (Click here to see the site.) It is your "one stop shop" for me. On the site there is a brief bio about me; many details about other sites I have built or am building; and also a brief list of some of the many places you can find me online (this is the ultimate website for my stalkers). But feel free to check it out and bookmark it to keep updated with things I am doing. I know I bookmarked and I check it all the time, because sometimes I forgot what I am doing or what I am suppose to be doing. But anyway, the site is on a free server currently until I get my other computer setup to run the server. (Probably before the year is over with the way everything is going right now. I need to concentrate on the job first and foremost right now. Although I have never been "obsessed" with my job, right now to start off I need to be.)

On an ending note, I know that in a few years that I will look back at this time and I will be able to see the day, the week, or even the month my life took a 180 degree turn for the better. Not everything is perfect, but with perfection comes bordem. Of course I will end this post with a quote, something that I said and got in a heated discussion with someone about.

"Condoms are for pussies." -- Me
(Before I get any more hate messages, think very carefully about what I said. Think what it means and rememeber that I always have "safe sex with a condomn".)

Next Topic: Beggining of November Updates