Thursday, October 12, 2006

Side Post

The 21 Principles I Live By (Originally Written by Tony Robbins)

1 - Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

2 - Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.

3 - Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.

4 - When you say, "I love you," mean it.

5 - When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
6 - Be engaged at least six months before you get married.

7 - Believe in love at first sight.

8 - Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.

9 - Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.

10 - In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.

11 - Don't judge people by their relatives.

12 - Talk slowly but think quickly.

13 - When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"

14 - Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

15 - Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.

16 - When you lose, don't lose the lesson

17 - Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.

18 - Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

19 - When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

20 - Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

21 - Spend some time alone.

Next Topic: Current Updates

Friday, July 14, 2006

I Don't Want To Let Fear Rule My Life

From time to time songs come out that I feel are really "in tune" with the way I feel from now and then. There have been songs from the beginning of time that really move people. There is a new song by Blue October called Hate Me. This song I think this is an amazing song that a lot of people can really get into. Check out the song and let me know what you think.

Here are the lyrics:

Hate Me

[Message on voicemail:] Hi Justin! This is your mother. It is 2:33 on Monday afternoon. I was just calling to see how you were doing. You sounded really uptight last night, it made me a little nervous, and a little, well it made me nervous, but it sounded like you were nervous too. I just want to make sure you are really okay and wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication too. You know I love ya and take care honey. I know you’re under a lot of pressure. See ya. Bye Bye!

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
For you
For you
For you

Next Topic: Current Updates

Monday, May 22, 2006

I See No Changes

I See No Changes

Many things have changed since the last time I have written an entry. Although a lot has changed, a lot is still the same. The biggest changes would be my working situation. I left the check cashing business (for my safety and for more money). I resumed full time work at Minelli’s Pizza, while occasionally helping out at the bar next door. It is more money and an overall easier job. Physically there was a lot more work, but mentally and safety concerns are not an issue there. Except for maybe my sanity and that of some of the others I work with, but I’m just saying.

This past Wednesday I was awoken to 13 missed calls on my cell phone. 7 from a number of which I did not know and 3 from my mother. The other 3 were from Eric, my sister, and another unknown number. I also had 5 voicemails. When I retrieved my voicemails I had 3 messages from a gentlemen by the name of Joe who was extremely interested in having me come in for an interview for a position he just recently had open up. The other two were from my mother and my sister, respectively, who were making sure I was alive since I had not answered my cell phone and Joe had apparently called them seeing as they were my emergency contacts back in October when I originally interviewed for a position with Joe’s company.

When I originally interviewed back in October, I was informed that there were 32 people who had interviewed for the position and only one position open. Unfortunately, that put the odds against me having not received the position at that time. Where I had interviewed at was actually a temp service, which at that time I was really pushing hard to obtain a position in the work field more tailored towards what I enjoyed. (But apparently there is not a big need for Elephant Trainers or People Who Only “Make Love” with Paraplegic Midgets, so I chose the computer industry.)

I returned Joe’s call and was asked to meet in New Albany in 30 minutes immediately for an interview. This was a little bit of an issue seeing as I live 45 + minutes away in Grove City. But I explained the situation and did my best to rush up there as quickly as I could so as to not loose a chance at the job again. I was able to make it by 1:15 pm, just as soon as Joe had also arrived to interview with me and the company he was representing at the time. After a very brief 10 minute interview I was informed I would receive a call later that informed me of their decision. I was a little worried at first because of how brief the interview was, but yet I do know I did my best and fulfilled the answers to the questions in which they asked me. It was in their hands now.

I had been on the road no more then 10 minutes when my cell phone rang and it was Joe thanking me for showing up on such short notice to meet with him and the others. I was a little worried thinking he was going to tell me that I just wasted time by driving all the way up there. To my surprise and astonishment he said, “We will see you Monday morning at 8am!” I was flabbergasted I had no idea that I would actually get the job. After such a brief meeting that I had with them, and the professional dressed, scruffy 5 o’clock shadow look that I had been able to clean up to in the 5 minutes before I ran out the door to head up there.

Now I am excited. Today was actually my first day and I couldn’t have been more pleased with everything that had taken place. I am working at E. M. H. &T. as a Data Entry Clerk. E. M. H. &T. is the largest engineering firm in the state of Ohio. Currently the project I am working on is for the City of Columbus. I am taking all the cities water and sewage maps and getting them transferred into the computer databases. Then I will have to switch them from the original maps to a query database. After that I will be getting with our engineers in order to assist them in the development of new plans for the city’s sewer and water system. I am guaranteed at least a year with the temp service to have this position, at which time I can either be hired on full time by E. M. H. & T. or I will have to find another job.

The experience alone will be worth it. I have been trying to at least get my foot in the door at an entry level position with a well established company. It gives me an opportunity to finally prove I know what I know. Although I do not want to work for someone else the rest of my life, I need a good job where I can save up the money to “fulfill my dreams”.

I think that is enough rambling on for now. There will be another update very shortly since there is so much more I want to and need to say about all kinds of things. But until next time… “Have a good day, neighbor!” – Mr. Rogers

Next Topic: I Don't Want To Let Fear Rule My Life

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Heaven's Not A Place You Go When You Die

"Heaven is not a place that you go when you die, it's that moment in life when you truly feel alive." That is a lyric from a great song by the talented Spill Canvas. The song is called The Tide, and it is definitely worth listening to it. This "long awaited post" is going to have a little different approach then previous one. This post is kind of a step-back in time. It's a walk back to October of last year. This song can bring tears to my eyes. "What did you say David?”. You might ask. "Guys don't cry!". Well, you know what? It happens.

Here is the song. It is "Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt.

"Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer and when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for awhile.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts, but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow."
-- Goodbye My Love by James Blunt

Next Topic: I See No Changes

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Current Updates

This post is about current updates in my life. Where to start?

I just bought a new truck; a 98' Ford Ranger XLT, Extended Cab, 4 cyclinder, 5 speed, and all that good stuff. I financed it too. Surprised? I know I was too. I am still working as a "Customer Service Representative for a Financial Institution" (the title is for my safety). I also have worked this past weekend at Minelli's again. I don't know if that is going to be a "growing trend", but I actually would like it too.

What else? I am currently single and enjoying it. Not that I am going out of my way to meet people or anything like that, I think I have just come to the point where I realize that I should concentrate more on myself for a change. I still spend time with many friends, but for the most part I focus on things I need to do for me. Just as an example, I have been working on my MCSE certifications that I will be getting in April or June. I also have been reading a lot of books and articles on quantum mechanics, psychology, and emotional intelligence. Once I pass my certifications, I will have job placement in the Internet Technology Industry, which is what I have wanted to do for a long time, and then I will pursue college while working.

College you say? Yep, "Diesel" is in college. I plan currently to double major in psychology and quantum physics. It is amazing the stuff I have learned and the stuff I still will continue to learn. It will take me longer to complete then if I attended college full time due to working full time as well. But the benefits in the long run will be more then worth it.

My "updated basic view of reality as I see it". The world is a big place that ends out of my site. Now, don't get me wrong I am not saying there is not a place called China, as an example, just because I haven't seen it, but I am saying reality is what you make of it. The world is not as complicated as most people make it, but it is only as complicated as you want it to be.

I am not sure where this "new found" outlook has come from, perhaps it is more maturity along the road or newly discovered information that I have discovered. What I do know is that I am content. Not ecstatic happy or crazy depressed, but content. To me, content is being happy with things as they are, but still being welcome to changes that are planned and not planned as well. There are far too many people I have met in my life that become "over stressed" with things in life they should not be so adamant about.

"The person who got everything they always wanted, DID NOT live happily ever after." -- Anonymous

Next Topic: Heaven's Not A Place You Go When You Die

Saturday, March 04, 2006

The Basics

It has seemed that all my life I have had two major "end all" goals for my personal self. These are goals that I want to accomplish before I die. The first goal I have being relatively easy and accomplishable; and the second, a little more unrealistic. My first goal is that before I die I want to make every person I meet in life smile or laugh at least once. Although this might make me sound like an overdone "people pleaser", it has more to do with my enjoyment of providing joy. You never know when something negative or positive might just make someone’s day, season, year, or even life that much better. As of this date, I feel that I have accomplished this and I will continue to strive to continue this goal until I take my last breath.

My second goal might not be attainable till my actual demise. I want to find the answer to everything or the answer to life. I want to discover the "end all, be all" solution to everything. The underlining answers to reality or life itself. Through the research I have done up to this point in my life, I do not have an answer. Perhaps I will never have an answer until I die and only then might the truth be discovered.

Through the many religions that I have read about in great detail, I do not think that religion holds the key to the answers. After all, with as many contradictions and prejudices that the majority of these religions hold, it is hard to accept them to hold any value towards an actual truthful answer for which I am searching. Science and math, however, have come a lot closer to finding the answers, but perhaps they will never discover the actual answers as well. At what point when we have the answer to everything will there be a need for anything? If we know how everything works, what happens when we die, and what to do to make ourselves "immortal" in our current conditions, then what would there be to do in life?

Perhaps it might just be the transitions I have gone through in my own personal life that have sparked such a curiosity to solve this problem or to find the answer to the "ultimate question". I do not think I will be able to find the true answer to the question until what point I do stop "living" in the terms in which I currently do (i.e. breathing oxygen, heart beating, et al.). But I do think I will be able to discover or inspire others to make steps towards the discovery of the answer to the ultimate questions. But until I find the answers I will continue searching in hopes of at least having an overall, well rounded idea of the possibilities of what most likely happens to us all in the end.

I end this entry with a quote from a man known as Miguel de Unamuno y Jugo, a famous philosopher and great thinker.

"Not only do we desire immortality, but the immortality of our friends and family, of our homes and nations, and of all aspects of life. This desire to live forever exactly as we do now is, of course, an irrational desire, but it is this desire that makes us human, and to be human is to be idealistic and impractical. Thus there is a conflict between our desire for immortality and our reason-which negates it; out of this conflict comes the desire to believe in God, the need for faith, which reason of course cannot confirm."

Next Post: Current Life Updates

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Past, Present, or Future?

Is it a surprise to any one else the facts that you have memories of the past, but yet you have no memories of the future? Our subconscious mind which holds all of our memories has no sense of time. Time is a "man-made" measuring device. Through history it has changed in many different ways, from cycles, to seasons, to months, days, hours, minutes, etc. However, our subconscious mine does not have a magical time stamp. The only way that you can recall memories and place them in a time period is based on things that happened during that "period", or when you have memories that include a birthday, holiday, or some other "time based" experience.

If we can have such memories of the "past" then why do we not know or recall such memories of the future? Why do we not have memories of the present either? Considering there is no difference between past, present, or future. When you started reading this, this part of the article was in the future, but yet now it is in the present and before you finish reading this very word it will already be in the past.

Scientist have been able to prove now that we either currently see the future or we are already living the past. Based on experiments and other research findings they have determined that when we "see something" that event has either already taken place or has not taken place yet. An example of such an experiment where they came to this conclusion was a light experience. They would project a small light on area of a wall that was only a few feet away from the sitting participant. They flashed the light (it was roughly the size of a laser pointer dot) then four degrees to the right of it, and vice-versa, they would flash it again. The light that flashed changed in less then half a second. The brain, which is where you actually see things in the visual cortex, proceeded to think that the dot moved across the wall. However it did not move, just disappeared and reappeared.

They thought this was a little interesting. They decided to try with different colors to see what would happen. They first would flash the red one, and at the same time interval and separation they would flash the green one four degrees to the right of the first dot. It was an amazing discovery that the light not only appeared to move again, but changed color in the middle of its movement. How could the light change color before they even saw it? Two conclusions were drawn from this experiment. We are "living in the past" and the lights change and then we actually see them, seconds later. This would mean, again, that things occur and then we see them. The other conclusion was that we actually see what happens before it happens, or we "seeing the future".

Another example is if you were driving down a dark road and all of a sudden there was an animal in the road in front of you and you saw your headlight's light reflecting off their eyes, so you slammed on the brakes or swerved or whatever your normal reaction would be. Mathematically speaking, it takes half a second or more for the light to reflect off the animals eyes and then to your eyes for your brain to "see" the animal. Half-a-second or more? That is longer then it takes for a major league pitcher to throw a ball at 90 miles per hour across home plate, but yet the average baseball player's batting average is between twenty percent to upwards of forty percent or more for the best of the best.

How can this be or what relevance does this have to me? Well, since you asked. There is no such thing as future or we all see the future before it happens. Is that not amazing? Either we are "delayed" in responses so much that anything we see has already happened. Or we see things before they happen. Just imagine if you were able to mature these skills, make them stronger. You might be able to see into the "future" or you might be able to slow down everything and just observe the world since everything has already happened anyways.

The scientist in this study, which has been reproduced hundreds of times in various universities across the globe, is leaning towards the fact we probably perceive the future. If it was the case that things already happen and then we see them, essentially, there would a greater number of injuries, car accidents, deaths, et al. in the world, ten fold to what it is now. Keep that in mind next time you wonder why something is happening. Either it already happened so let the past be the past; or you have a hundredths of a second to change what is about to happen.

Next Topic: The Basics

Side Post of a Life Time

When was the last time you sat and actually looked at the beauty of the world around you? I am not trying to be cheesy, but a hundred percent honest. The world around us, each and every one of us, is amazing. It is a world that is filled with amazing things. Things that we can try to describe in words and expressions. Whether it is poems, songs, letters, books, stories, et al. we can never actually do just the actual peace and harmony the world has.

This is a world we created. Whether you believe in God, Moses, a higher power, something completely different, or nothing at all, you can relate. Take the time and look. Don't think, but look. Not with your eyes that only create things from memory of things that we have seen before. But with your mind or your heart; whichever you are more comfortable looking with.

Maybe your world looks different then mine. Perhaps, we all share the same concept of the world. But if you over look the anti-civilization creations we hear about and see everyday; such as war, disease, fights, anger, depression, and many others; you can see the greatness of the world as you know it. You created this world as much as I created mine.

Our brains create this reality through memories; things that we were taught when we were younger; through assumptions and associations; and through what we want out of the world. What you have in life is what you have. What you want in life is what you want. But have you ever tried to be content? Even just for a few minutes and just look. Better yet, just feel. Feel the ground beneath your feet, the shirt on your back, the pants on your legs, and everything around you. These are all sensations and feelings that we create in our brains and portray it through our bodies. But I don't want to get into too much technical, scientific stuff right now.

Even if you didn't care for anything else I had said so far. Do me one thing. Since you were kind enough to take the time and read this. Please take 15 minutes at least and just feel the world. Look around you, better yet close your eyes and play some relaxing music. Then sit. Sit and say nothing and think nothing, except how lucky you are to be where you are in your life. No matter how good or bad it might be. Just think positively and think about where you are going to be or you want to be. Even still, try to think of some place wonderful to you, a place to call your own that is relaxing only to you, perhaps.

If you take the time to sit and feel or look at the world, perhaps you will see what I see. Maybe you will feel the way I do even if it just for a brief minute or two till you resume your normal routine of life. Just enjoy it. Enjoy life.

Next Post: Past, Present, and Future